ADHD Masking!

We all mask to some extent – don’t we?

When your favorite aunt gives you a knitted jumper that makes you look like a giant bumble bee, the likely response would be to say: “how thoughtful”, or “thanks so much, but really not necessary!” Even though inside you’re thinking “this is going to the back of the closet never to see the light of day again!”

Or if you’ve been invited to a new acquaintance’s house for dinner and you really don’t like the sushi on offer, it’s probable that you would move your food around on the plate or surreptitiously feed it to the dog under the table or get your partner to eat it on the sly.  Even though inside you’re wrinkling your nose in disgust and going “eewh”.

This is normal, isn’t it? It’s generally called being polite or having manners and more or less is what keeps a society cordial and ticking along.

The clue here is ‘normal’ and generally how a neurotypical person might react or behave and is intentional behaviour.

However, a neurodivergent person wouldn’t be masking on the odd occasion to appear polite, they are chronically masking in many situations and environments.  A neurodivergent person masks to hide symptoms and often starts as a coping mechanism to help them in day-do-day interactions and becomes so entrenched that it can be difficult to differentiate between how they would react as themselves versus the masking response and over time this behavior can become problematic.

Here are some examples of ADHD masking and how it presents itself:

• being overly careful about what you say to avoid talking too much or interrupting people or staying quiet in a group setting
• Keeping a close eye on your possessions to make sure that you don't lose things, to the point of it being compulsive
• Having a reaction that you believe is the ‘right’ way to react in a work situation or social environment
• Struggling to keep up or maintain relationships even though the apparency is that everything is ok
• Feeling overwhelmed by all the work it takes to keep the house tidy, but still being over conscientious to keep it clean and tidy
• Appearing calm and in control on the surface, but in truth you have difficulty focusing because your mind is hyperactive, jumping from one thing to another too quickly to take the time to understand and or/process what anyone around you is saying in the moment
• Being over-vigilant about keeping appointments and not being able to think about anything else prior to the appointment and then arriving super early, as a way to ensure that you are not late due to time blindness
• Focussing intently on what someone is saying to the point that they might feel uncomfortable, so that you ensure you don’t miss anything that is being said
• Taking extensive and copious notes (of even inconsequential information) so you don’t forget what has been discussed in a meeting due to issues with working memory.
• Obsessively organizing paperwork and creating systems for yourself so you can find what you need later
• Suppressing intense emotions until you feel sick inside or overreacting to something without knowing why
• Calling in sick rather than facing or being placed in a stressful situation
• Being inexplicably irritable when you are forced to concentrate or work on something that doesn't interest you for an extended period of time due to your interest-based nervous system
• Taking on too much responsibility to try and make up for what you perceive as your deficiencies and then overworking or overdoing the task until you are mentally or physically exhausted so that you can show others how capable or reliable you are, even though you are hiding how you are struggling
• Attempting to cope with your environment by developing perfectionist tendencies  
• Even though you feel overwhelmed or exhausted by the additional responsibilities, hiding how you feel inevitably leading to feelings of shame or guilt.
• A desire and need to always appear in control to avoid feeling ashamed or embarrassed about whether others see your struggles
• Suppressing stimming behaviour like leg bouncing, doodling, playing with hair, playing with a pen, so you don't disturb others even though it feels very uncomfortable to sit still, and;
• Mimicking or copying other people, who appear successful or popular in social situations so that you will also be accepted.

Whilst masking can sometimes help us smooth the way in a social situation, there is a potential long-term negative impact of ADHD Masking, and below are some examples:

• Long-term use of masking can make it difficult for you to accurately and clearly describe your ADHD symptoms which could lead to a delay in diagnosis
• ADHD is often misdiagnosed as depression or anxiety due to the inability to clearly separate and describe what is masking versus how you truly feel and react
• If you are very good at masking your ADHD symptoms, people might downplay your ADHD symptoms and not believe you which further entrenches the feeling of shame and inadequacy
• People who engage in ADHD masking are generally at a higher risk for developing substance abuse issues in order to cope with how they feel inside, which can lead to even more health issues down the line.
• ADHD masking can make it hard for you to know the real you versus what is an act.

Building Self-Awareness is the first step to managing Masking

When you can spot that ADHD masking is taking place, you can start learning ways to cope without turning into someone else. You might be surprised at how much more enjoyable life becomes when you learn new skills for managing instead of hiding your struggles.

Below are some ideas to get started:

• Not all masking behaviours are harmful, so identify which form of ADHD masking strategies help you and which are hurting you. For example, finding a mentor at work who supports you in tips on how to engage with people more effectively in a work environment could help you, versus blindly copying someone’s behaviour.
• Learn how to deal with your emotions instead of avoiding them. Start journaling so you can start spotting patterns and triggers. You can claim your FREE Self Awareness journal with ADHD Life.
• Be secure in the knowledge that you are not alone in how you experience life. Join a supportive community who understands and is going through the same struggles so that you can feel less alone. Join a community that understands you at ADHD Life.
• Learn more about ADHD and by understanding how it presents itself can equip you with tools to support you to navigate life better

Final Thoughts

ADHD masking is a strategy to support a neurodivergent person’s world to apparently cope better, but it doesn't fix the real problems. However, all is not lost, building self-awareness,  learning new tools and working with a supportive community can be a game changer which will lead to a truly self-fulfilled life as your true self.